Want to Change the Results? Go This Way—>
Today during our morning run, my daughter and I were talking about the choices we make. We really got it into a deep discussion when it came to why we make the decisions we do and who is to blame when thing don’t go as planned. I told her it was because there isn’t always an immediate consequence attached we tend to make decisions based on how it feels at the moment.
For instance, we worked out for about 2 hours last night, then ate ice cream topped with all the toppings. But there was no immediate 5 pound weight gain so it was easy to think nothing would be wrong with eating ice cream after a work out, let alone just before bedtime. We even justified it with we’d workout hardcore for 2 hours and we were running every morning consistently.
What I explained to her and reminded myself was although there are no immediate consequences from last night, if we kept on the same path soon it would all pile up from behind the scenes and crash in on us, thus causing weight gain!
I gave her other examples such as knowing how to wisely choose friends and making decisions “now” that feel good, only to end up miserable “later”.
Then I got to thinking about relationships……………
Short True Story
Looking back on life, I’ve made some pretty good choices with substantial rewards attached. I have also made significantly poor choices with seemingly larger than life consequences attached.
Every decision I have made has had a remnant of how I’ve been programmed to think and believe a certain thing, then expect a certain outcome. However some of my decisions were based on trusting information from other people. But it was how I reacted to the outcome more so which chose the consequence behind it.
My biggest challenges in life, however, have been personal relationships with men. They would all start out great but I always ended up leaving because of something “he” did or didn’t do. I blamed him and even though I may have been justified in my blame and he mostly likely “messed up”, there was something about us that would start to disconnect. Then down the tube the relationship would go. Being candid, the relationships typically would crumble because cheated, lied about something significant to destroy trust or I began to outgrow him and he seemed to become afraid and withdraw which led to me becoming insecure which led to the cheating and the cycle would begin again.
I picked the conservative, powerful, handsome, strong type but I they all had several specific characters in which they shared but that’s another story.
Each guy was just like the one before, except he wore different shoes. So maybe, just maybe the character flaw really was on me.
But how would I know? If it were me, how was I going to change how my mind was programmed to make better choices in the type of relationships I had and the men I chose to be in the relationship with?
How could I apply this in all areas of my life where I knew I wanted to do better?
Oh I knew it was possible. After all, God said it was.
How to Change Your Life Into What You Really Want
I began to assess the things I did when I did well in life. What was my behavior? What did I allow in my life or not allow? But that was easy. I was more focused because that particular success usually wasn’t tied to a person, place or thing keeping their end of the deal. I.e. Me paying for college and graduating college.
However, the hardest part was admitting the things I did which had severe consequences without blaming someone else. What were my actions and why those particular actions? What were my “reactions” to the circumstances? What part was my fault?
Once I answered those questions truthfully, I put plans in place which required me to study, learn a new skill set and more specifically do more INNER work, which I now call Inner-cise.
My hardest consequences seem to come through relationships. Relationships were important to me but I lacked advance understanding of what truly loving myself meant and being able to expect and demand that I be handled with care. I’d been abused in some form (domestic, verbal, financial, emotional) and I would stay until I stayed too long, sometimes resulting in me hating that person. I’d given my power away then moved on to be victimized again.
Those poor choices left me leaving one relationship after the other and it also caused me to gain a significant amount of weight and shelf my purpose in life.
But I was ready for something different. In opening up childhood questions and asking questions sometimes it opened old unhealed wounds or brought to light things that were refreshing to know. I learned about myself and I began to embrace living unafraid.
It’s been a few years since I began inner-cising but I was able to put together ways to help myself heal, renew, find happiness and inner peace which led to me being able to build the best life I could have ever known.
I know there are billions out there just like me who want a great life, health and healing, good & healthy love with the right person, happiness, peace, an anointing of ease, and the ability to live their purpose to name a few. And there are billions out there whom I can help start that process for right now.
Steps to Make it Happen
1) Determine what you do not like about your life right now unattached to other people, places or things.
2) Determine what it is in life you truly want from within, unattached from a person, place or thing.
3) List the things you’ve done well in life and what it took to get there. Be grateful for your accomplishments and write them down if it helps you to remember.
4) List the things you’ve done which have caused severe consequences and list the lessons you learned.
5) Now for the FUN part!
Research what you want for your life and write it out. Design the life you want the same way you would plan your wedding or pick out your car. Be clear and detailed. You get ONE chance to live this life, so go for it!
6) Lastly, believe it is possible and start today to live and work towards making it happen.
I still have a ways to go in certain areas of my life as life is a lifelong learning process.
But the changes I’ve made in my life have already occurred with significant rewards and fewer consequences. I now live my true purpose in life of helping people live better and I am happy from within.
Now it’s your turn to go be great!
Be handled with care and love,
(c) The Temeca Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 2011
Posted on June 9, 2011, in What is My "True North"? and tagged be great, choices, consequences, decisions, do inner work, handled with care, inner work, love, rewards, short true story. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.