Character Flaw Assessment
I started this blog 4 years ago after my marriage had ended. At the time, I was fixated on the fact I’d chosen another man to be significant in my life, just to have it end. Now, here I sat “again” 4 years later, and another significant relationship had ended. This relationship was the hardest one I’d had to endure in my life since Jr. High. I knew God was speaking to me and telling me to do something different and fast!
In the beginning, I was blaming the men for their inabilities to “be real men”. The first thing I did was create a list of the attributes of the guys I’d deemed significant to me, whose existence in my past somehow always made it to my present.
I began to see a common thread in each guy but each was so different, so I thought.
So was I the problem?
Of course not.
But someone was.
So I put on my auditor’s hat and reviewed their good and not so good traits about them. I listed what attracted me to them, our significant good times and significant bad times, including why we broke up and how the break up impacted my life.
What I found was startling.
It WAS me!
And I was “flawed”!
I was flawed in my ability to recognize toxic traits of the men I was attracted to and I kept picking the same guy over and over and over again.
Here’s my character flaw assessment of myself
I picked men who ways felt familiar and who’s behavior were most comfortable for my lifestyle, money, habits, material desires and the power I perceived they had.
I’d dated and loved the “bad” boy type, musicians, ball players and business men. I seemed to like them conservative, aloof, powerful and unafraid to take a risk. They each NEEDED to be needed by me, so I would dive right in and give everything I had. Yet, each of them were incapable of giving to me a long-term sustainable relationship from managing money to helping me obtain my destiny, to being committed and faithful.
After the relationship was over, I always ended up leaving them, hating them and left to pick up the pieces of my life.
What I also noticed was I was not adhering to the 5 “Ls” I was given to use to assess men/women relationships. The 5 “Ls” are: had he lived, let go, loved, learned, and lead? If one of these was a “no”, I was supposed to RUN! (Taken from a www.presspause.org event.)
But I stayed…..every time.
I was flawed in “picking” the right guy. However, as my spiritual understanding began to grow, I realized “I” was picking them and that was another part of the problem. My actions and my beliefs weren’t matching up. I picked them, but I believed and still believe, “A man who findeth a wife findeth a good thing.”
The assessment I put together was initially drafted to help me feel better about the choices I’d made for myself. But, it became a tool for me to help identify my “whys” and “now what” moments so I could have a better chance at a great healthy relationship with the right person.
I love myself and the same amount of time I would spend planning a wedding, auditing my heartbreak or purchasing a cars I’m now dedicated to consistently loving myself and learning about myself before I enter into another relationship.
Will I make a different choice?
This time I know and I understand who I am.
Be handled with care and love,
(c) The Temeca Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 2011